How to control jealousy in a relationship is always a controversial issue. Regardless of age, it is common for couples to come across this controversial feeling.
Some factors present in society make it difficult to fight jealousy . For example, expressions of feeling are still often seen as romantic gestures when, in fact, there are healthier SharekAlomre.com ways to express love.
Jealousy is actually a sign of insecurity.
The extremely jealous person either doesn’t trust their partner enough or has low self-esteem . She seeks to sabotage any possibility of her partner finding someone else because, in her mind, single individuals are a threat.
This controlling behavior generates frequent fights and arguments, wearing down the relationship. In addition, exaggerated jealousy is harmful to the individual who feels it. This feeling stimulates anxiety , distrust and anger .
After all, what is jealousy?
According to Psychologist Sandra Quero , jealousy is a very difficult feeling to control and that appears for several reasons. It can be jealousy of the boyfriend, a friend or even the brother.⠀
Despite being very unpleasant, it is a natural feeling of the human being, but, depending on the case, it can be at an exaggerated level, causing a pathological jealousy, which requires the help of a psychologist.⠀
Jealousy appears as a warning sign, when we believe that something is not going well or as we wish.⠀
It can be a real problem or be present only in the imagination. It’s just part of our instinct to want to eliminate any and all threats that make us insecure, unprotected or at a disadvantage.
So how do you keep jealousy in check?
Tips on how to control jealousy
First, reflect on the factors that usually arouse jealousy.
If you get jealous when your partner interacts with other people or attends social engagements without you, you are likely to suffer from excessive jealousy.
The case is especially complicated when you feel jealous of friends and family , with whom your partner lives almost daily.
After doing this exercise, it will be easier to identify which SharekAlomre aspects of your behavior need to be worked on. Then relate them to our tips on how to control jealousy!
Analyze the reason for jealousy
Ask yourself why you are jealous. What is the situation that aroused the feeling? Why are you jealous? Did something happen in the past for you to feel this way today? If so, it’s an issue that should be discussed with your partner.
Psychologist Sandra Quero also states that the most common jealousies are those that occur in romantic relationships.
In these cases, the exaggerated desire for possession and the egocentric demand typical of all forms of jealousy is added to the demand for a more or less agreed-upon fidelity and the social demoralization that can arise from infidelity.
This situation of continuous mistrust generates great emotional tension in the jealous person and in their partner. The latter feels harassed, monitored and interrogated most of the time, usually for no reason.
If there is no awareness that jealousy may be in excess, it is unlikely that the person will seek help.
Most likely, behind this there are distorted thoughts about the love relationship and the behavior of the loved one.
Once this information has been collected, it needs to be analyzed. We have to look for evidence that what we think is real or is actually happening.⠀
As much as jealous people have a bad reputation, the truth is that they suffer and that their suffering is real. So if this problem conditions your life to some degree, don’t be ashamed and seek help to control jealousy.
Would you like to make an appointment with the psychologist Sandra?
Make your intentions clear
At the beginning of the relationship, make your intentions clear . If they have changed over the course of the relationship, communicate them to your partner so that there are no misunderstandings in the future.
Work on trust in the relationship
Do you trust your partner?
If you can’t answer ‘yes’, the best thing to do is talk about it. Explain about partner behaviors that cause distrust, but keep in mind that you can’t change people.
All you can do is express your feelings and observe your partner’s reaction.
According to psychologist Hélio Malka , jealousy is a natural feeling in every being capable of creating affective bonds and works as an internal alarm, which can be triggered by concrete or abstract, imaginary reasons.
It is related to the fear of losing someone’s attention or even losing that someone to someone else.
First of all, recognize when you are being jealous, believe that you deserve someone to love you and that they want to be alone with you. Also, learn to trust each other.
Keep the dialogue up to date – How to Control Jealousy
This tip is a complement to the previous two. In addition to making it clear what you’re looking for in the relationship, talk whenever you feel insecure after an argument, and also share the good stuff.
You need to feel like you can open up to him/her. Otherwise, the discomfort in dialoguing may indicate a point to be worked on.
Raise your self-esteem
When self- esteem is strong, it’s impossible to take away your security. Also, people with high self-esteem trust themselves . They can distinguish which behaviors deserve attention and which should be ignored, because they know what is best for them.
Although relationships are healthy and part of life, you can’t forget who deserves all your attention: yourself. So work on your self-esteem so that you can also love the person reflected in the mirror.
Fight controlling behavior
It is impossible to control the freedom of the other.
People are different, therefore, they live, think and act differently. When you don’t respect this, you show that you don’t fully trust your partner.
Therefore, you want to control all your steps. But, think, would you like someone to do that to you ?
Don’t live in the past – How to Control Jealousy
If you’ve already suffered a betrayal, it’s normal to have some fears. However, at some point, you will need to let go of the past.
Don’t bring insecurities from another relationship into your current relationship. If you have not been able to overcome the trauma and you feel that it is a constant negative in your life, have you ever thought about seeking professional help to heal the wound?
Rationalize the feeling – How to Control Jealousy
When crisis strikes, see jealousy through the eyes of a scientist . Does it make sense not to want your partner to meet friends? Everyone goes out to have fun with the ones they love and trust, so what’s the problem? This tip is especially effective for those who suffer from recurring seizures.
Learn to show love differently
Jealousy, contrary to what many think, is not an expression of love. They are a form of possession .
You’ve probably come across stories of couples who fought in a public place because of jealousy. This is the true face of jealousy, nasty and self-centered. In contrast, love is gentle, sweet, and light.
Don’t compare yourself to former teammates
Just as you shouldn’t daydream about past relationships, you don’t need to compare yourself to the other person’s ex-partners. After all, each one is each one!
If your partner is with you to this day and treats you super well, it’s a sign that he chose to stay with you because he likes your personality.
Keep an active social life – How to Control Jealousy
Many people get so involved with the relationship that they neglect friends and family as well as stop doing what they love to live in order to please their partner. This harmful posture can become toxic. Everyone needs an active social life .
Strengthen your self-love
Once again, the importance of loving yourself above all else is reinforced . It’s not about narcissism or self-centeredness, but about self-respect. Remind yourself every day how important you are to this world and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Seek therapy – How to Control Jealousy
According to the psychologist and psychoanalyst Giselle Ladeia , Freud divided jealousy into three levels: competitive/normal, projected and delusional.
Thus, each level has a different degree of intensity and emotional mechanisms involved, and may even have a sickening character in the most serious conditions.
For Freud, jealousy is mainly composed of grief and suffering caused by the thought of losing the loved object, and the narcissistic wound, feelings of enmity against the successful rival and a greater or lesser amount of self-criticism.
In this sense, there are several sufferings involved, such as: the loss of the loved object, which generates the pain of mourning. There is also narcissistic pain, facing the idea that you are not as indispensable to your loved one as you thought (older children, for example, with the arrival of a younger brother, is quite common!).
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For Freud, there is no one who has not felt jealousy! – How to Control Jealousy
Jealousy becomes pathological when the individual elaborates his conflicts. Psychotherapy is a tool that helps in the process of elaborating the internal conflicts that impact our ways of relating!
Couples therapy can be an alternative to relationships smothered by jealousy. As the feeling grows, it can be difficult to completely extinguish.
In the same way, therapy can help you, as an individual, find the self- confidence you need to finally learn how to control your jealousy.